Paint Your Wagon

Based on the 1951 Lerner and Loewe American Western musical of the same name, the 1969 adaptation of Paint Your Wagon stars Lee Marvin as a prospector, Clint Eastwood as an amnesiac whom he recruits as his business partner, and Jean Seberg as one of a Mormon’s wives that he decides to sell to the highest bidder. I first saw this film as a rental in my town’s Blockbuster Video when that chain was still a thing, the title alone piquing my curiosity, the fact Clint Eastwood was in it being one of the sole things I knew about it. The following knowledge I would get about the film came from a brief spoof in The Simpsons episode “All Singing, All Dancing.”

Despite the title, the musical has nothing at all to do with literally painting wagons, with “paint your wagon” being a (very) dated expression meaning “to get things done.” Marvin’s character, Ben Rumson, dubs Eastwood’s “Pardner” as he recuperates, with a new tent town, “No Name City,” emerging when they discover gold. The male inhabitants become lonely from no female companionship until the mentioned Mormon husband comes and sells his wife Elizabeth to a drunken Rumson. A love triangle quickly emerges when Ben leaves his fiancé under Pardner’s care.

The latter portion of the movie involves Rumson and his men scheming to tunnel beneath No Name City to collect gold dust precipitating through the floorboards of saloons from paying customers, the only notable plot detail of which I had heard, courtesy my high school economics class, before I streamed this film. A zealous parson also comes to town in futile attempts to get its residents to abandon their sinful ways. Of course, many musical numbers abound, and while Marvin and Eastwood have never been known for their singing abilities, they did decently, with the former’s “Wand’rin’ Star” probably being the high point of the film’s songs.

While I know this film gets its share of criticism, much justified, I found it an entertaining watch, with some initial themes like Rumson putting his business partners first and his apathy towards humanity resounding well with me. Mature content like references to venereal disease and prostitution also get some spotlight. Religious themes are front and center as well, given Rumson’s indifference towards God, the references to Mormonism and polygamy, and the ultrareligious preacher. Much of the film likely didn’t fly well with 1969 moviegoers (though modern audiences would probably find it less offensive than, say, Blazing Saddles). However, I think that time has vindicated it somewhat, and don’t regret seeing it.

The Orville

When I first started watching this live-action science-fiction dramedy on Fox the last decade, I assumed it would be a knockoff of the Star Trek series, but given the repertoire of showrunner Seth MacFarlane, responsible for animated series such as Family GuyAmerican Dad!, and The Cleveland Show, I knew it would be a more lighthearted take on the sci-fi genre. The series opens with up-and-coming Planetary Union officer Ed Mercer, portrayed by MacFarlane, catching his wife, Kelly Grayson, having an affair with an alien, which leads to their divorce. A year later, Mercer receives command of the eponymous spaceship, with Grayson, to his shock, becoming his first officer.

The Orville isn’t shy about its Star Trek inspirations, beginning with its music. The opening credits theme takes inspiration from “Life Is a Dream,” Jerry Goldsmith’s central composition of the first and the fifth Star Trek Original Series films as well as The Next Generation, a similarity more so apparent in the season three remix. The Planetary Union is a nod to the United Federation of Planets from Trek, along with the various alien races, with sundry conflicts erupting throughout the series, chiefly with the Krill, a vampiric and ultrareligious society. The robotic Kaylons, with one of its members, Isaac, serving as a neutral ambassador aboard the Orville, also come into play later.

Other notable crew members include Bortus, a member of the Moclan race with deadpan speech patterns that make for some occasional humor, who mates with Klyden and has a child named Topa, born female, which is rare among their species in their male-dominant society. The episode “About a Girl” focuses on the couple’s decision to change Topa’s gender to male to conform to Moclan society, which hit home to me as an autistic and receives a follow-up in the third season. Another first-season episode, “Majority Rule,” focuses on a twenty-first-century society reigned by upvotes and downvotes, touching upon themes such as the role of social media and public shaming, which parallels modern cancel culture.

The Orville has a pretty good selection of stars, both guest and recurring, aside from Seth MacFarlane. Brian George, who played the Pakistani restauranteur Babu Bhatt in Seinfeld, and various other Indian or Pakistani characters in other media (despite being Israeli), plays a researcher in the first episode. The late Norm Macdonald plays Yaphit, an amorphous blob with a crush on Doctor Claire Finn, and briefly appears in human form thanks to the ship’s Environmental Simulator (which Isaac also uses when he tries to woo Finn). Patrick Warburton plays a long-nosed alien in a few episodes, and Ted Danson recurs as an Admiral in the Planetary Union throughout the entire series.

Overall, I had a great time watching The Orville, which largely avoids the pitfalls of MacFarlane’s animated shows, such as the drawn-out gags and topical references (but there is some sound sociopolitical commentary that never becomes ham-fisted) and strikes a balance between being humorousness and seriousness. I found it an excellent homage and even rival to the various Star Trek series (and it did semi-compete with Discovery upon its original release), which evokes Trek’s feel (musically and aesthetically) while standing well in its own right. I would happily watch future seasons should the series continue and consider it a capstone among Seth MacFarlane’s television productions.

Sonnet About Virtual Friendship

To compensate for few friends in real life,
I sought those virtual of the same mind
Only to engage in slanderous strife
Were their worldviews pessimistic, unkind.
Most friends I have lost due to politics,
Many due to rhetoric, not beliefs;
Civics, a poison all topics infects
With disregard for rhetorical peace!
Others due to media I enjoyed
Where discussions turned unintelligent
And I found myself easily annoyed
By alarmist elitists, views hell-bent!
Best not to befriend those not met in flesh,
Truer if views in shared hobbies don’t mesh.




Most of the movies in said media come from one particular production company where certain entries of particular franchises are considered "untouchable" despite actually having major plot holes and bad writing, and I think it’s really freaking sad I learned of said issues from the website Cracked and the Family Guy parodies, not any “professional” movie critics, which I think says a lot about the sad state of film journalism across the world, and I think critics and audiences more like the “idea” of said films rather than the movies as they actually are. Regarding games, I got into huge fights with other reviewers about games I liked but they didn't, and vice versa, when I submitted reader reviews to RPGamer, which ultimately led me to go rogue in game journalism, and I never read other people’s game reviews since more often than not, I don’t just disagree with said reviews, but rather the logic and illogic behind them.